Breath of Heaven

Well, every Christmas I vow to not get stressed out. I vow to enjoy the beauty of the season and the meaning of it all. Inevitably, I get caught up in the shopping, wrapping, partying, cooking and running around that this holiday brings with it. It is about this time, when I realize that I am no where near being finished because I have waited too long to do most everything and I have 27 loads of Christmas attire laundry and have not baked one single cookie... it's about this time that I start to lose it. Yeah, just lose it.

After I dropped my daughter off at the bus this morning with a gift for the bus driver whose name I do not even know, I drove home. Yes, drove. It is only a 5 minute walk but we are running late every morning and well, we drive to get there on time. Anyway, one of my favorite Christmas songs came on the radio and I stopped for the moment of peace in my driveway and listened to the words. I will be real here and let you in on something. I cried. I let the weight of the stress of the season fall from my eyes like a waterfall. Or it was hormones. Whatever, I cried and it sounds more romantic to make it the stress of the season and waterfall analogy than just blame it on silly 'ole hormones. So, then I prayed. I prayed the words of this song,

Breath of Heaven, by Amy Grant

I have traveled many moonless nights,

Cold and weary with a babe inside,

And I wonder what I've done.

Holy father you have come,

And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.



I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone,

Must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Be with me now.



Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.



Do you wonder as you watch my face,

If a wiser one should have had my place,

But I offer all I am

For the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong.

Help me be.

Help me.



Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

I wonder how Mary felt as she waited for Jesus to be born. She must have been scared and often reflected in amazement how God would choose her to be the one to bear His holy son. She sings a song of praise to God. She says, " From now on all generations, will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me - holy is His name.

What a legacy to live. I think so much about the legacy I will leave behind. Will my children remember Christmases filled with love and the spirit of Jesus or will they remember a rushed and stressed out mom who seemed to forget the peace that Jesus meant to bring? Will this generation of children call me blessed and see all the great things God has done for me? Do I even see them and reflect them to those around me?

The words of that song above beg the question, " Do you wonder if a wiser should have taken my place?" I can't tell you how many times I wonder that myself. What was God thinking when he placed these children in my care? Or brought my patient, hard-working husband to me? When he leads me to ministry, I wonder - "Why me? Don't you wonder if a wiser should take my place?"

Do not be afraid the angel, Gabriel told Mary. Do not be afraid.

Breath of Heaven, hold me together. Be forever near me. Lighten my Darkness.