Asking For A Gift

From my post yesterday you might have been able to sense that I had a conflict of sorts with someone.

No, it wasn't you - don't worry. 

It's family.  It's always family, is it not?

So, this morning as I was walking, I was thinking to myself that this person who is going on acting like we never even had this conflict should apologize to me.     They definitely owe me an apology. 

Then I would forgive this person.  (saying this with my chest all puffed out)

Because for me, when a person asks for forgiveness, it's very easy for me to fall into a puddle and forgive them.  I'm just a softie like that.

Except that is not what forgiveness is really all about is it?

Asking for forgiveness is really like asking for a gift, isn't it?  And we don't normally ask people for gifts.

But to forgive without them asking for my forgiveness?

It's just hard to do.  

Because now were just messing with my pride here. (did someone say pride?)

Jesus tells his disciples, when they ask how many times to forgive someone, that they should forgive them over and over.    Just as God forgives us over and over.

Did you ever notice that the things Jesus asks us to do are sometimes really hard?  But always what's best for us. 

I know that the person that hurt me, truly loves me and has the best of intentions for me.  I also know that apologizing is difficult and that it would be a great gift for me to surrender my anger so we could move on.  And because this is not the the first time it's happened, I know that eventually, we will talk about it.   I know that I would also feel so incredibly loved if someone did the same for me. 

So, that's where I am.  I doubt that I will air any more of this on the blog but I certainly appreciate you letting me work it out here.