The Sound That Stopped My World

I was not particularly excited for the doctor visit I was about to go on.    I just hadn't quite wrapped my head around this newest situation.

The last time I visited this office, it was to talk about a permanent solution to not having any more children.  I had determined that after the holidays, it was the direction I would go.   My youngest is 5, I'm almost 40 - I resolved that 2 children was apparently our plan. 

Then came some squeamish events that involved eggs and chicken.  I knew something was amiss.

One, Two, Three tests confirmed.  I was pregnant indeed.


The thoughts that swirled around in my head are too many to write here.

Just a few...

• With two miscarriages,you just don't dare get excited.
• This baby is due around my 40th birthday.  I'm just too old to have another baby.
• We don't have enough room in our house.
• I'm just not equipped to be a mother to 3 kids.

I will tell you, and maybe it will turn you away from reading my blog forever, but I will tell you that excitement was nowhere in my vocabulary for what was happening to me.   I prayed for faith.  I prayed for trust.  I prayed for no morning sickness.

Well, the morning sickness came in full force and that told me that this pregnancy was not like my last.    Which leads me back to this visit with my OB.  I knew he would be doing an ultrasound.  The last one I had when I was 8 weeks pregnant, showed a baby with no heartbeat.  That was almost 2 years ago.

The absence of a heartbeat?  The silence is deafening. 

So, it was with great hesitation and much anxiety that I headed into this appointment.

As my doctor and I talked about Christmas preparations and things like the weather, he began my ultrasound.

And then.

A sound like no other.

A steady, strong heartbeat.

A healthy baby #3 for me.

I saw the little heart flutter.    He (or she)  measured just exactly where he (or she) should.

Then just like that faith, hope and trust flooded my heart.  I didn't know how we would fit in our house or what kind of mom I would be to three kids.    I just know that the sound of a little beating heart stopped my world right then and it really didn't matter.

*****
I wrote that post the day I got my first ultrasound around 8 weeks.  Yesterday, I went for another ultrasound that would leave me feeling confident enough to tell the world that we are going to have another baby, or at least the part of the world that reads this blog.   I am almost 12 weeks along and this baby is due ON my 40th birthday.  ON my 40th birthday.   Crazy, I tell you.

The ultrasound revealed a very healthy baby and the doctor is super-confident we are past a first trimester miscarriage which is good news.   I have to say that it was not until yesterday that I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and feel the first bit of excitement.   I still do not know how I am going to mother 3 kids but I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we get there!

We told the kids.  They are beyond excited, kissing my belly and already planning out our entire family future.  My oldest is excited that she will be moving her bedroom to what is now our bonus room (we have two bonus rooms thank goodness) and my son is excited that he can teach this baby to swim.  I have no idea where that came from. 

So, there you go - that will probably be the biggest news you ever hear on this blog!