Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Elephant In the Room

I'm always intrigued by a person who can just ignore the proverbial "elephant in the room."   You know how when something pretty significant has happened between you and a person and then the next time you see them you just act like it never happened.

Except it did happen. 

And it was never resolved.

And all these feelings are still quietly floating around.  

I have a hard time with that.

Do you think people do this because they are afraid of confrontation?  Or they are afraid if they talk about it or face something messy then it will somehow hurt them more?  Maybe they really feel like they have dealt with it.  I wonder if they are hoping it will just go away.  That would be nice.

Except that it seldom goes away.  Time does not rewind.   Then later when you least expect it, "the elephant" that you tried so hard to ignore is running around crashing into things and destroying everything in it's path. 

I think it runs through generations.   It starts with one big thing in a family and the parents choose to ignore it.  They teach the child that is how to deal with things and then that child becomes an adult and does the same thing in his or her own relationships.  

Just my thoughts for today.  What do you think?

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Manic Mother said...

As far as family goes, my mother and I do that a lot. To me the alternative is to not talk to her at all, or rid her of my life completely. She may not be the best mom to me at all times, but she is always a great grandma to my boys, so for their sake we hang out with lots of elephants in our room!

Janel@Dandelion Dayz said...

Well, that is a good reason. I'm glad you brought that up. Sometimes it's for the sake of others involved - good point.

Kristin said...

I'm sorry you're going through that. It's so awkward. I will say, I hate confrontation. The thought of it makes me sick. I might be temped to ignore the elephant, because I think "if I can't say something nice, I won't say anything at all!" I'd expect things to be dealt with more if it involved a trusted friend though.

The Fritz Facts said...

You mean you are supposed to deal with those? hunh...someone should tell the lovely people in my life that. They all think I am crazy when I say the same thing.

A lot of it is technology. I know someone that won't pick up the phone, but will send me the longest e-mail. Then gets mad when I call her on things...over the phone.

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