Monday, June 28, 2010

Love and Hugs

I'm curious.  Would you hug him?  Would you hug all the people walking by?

Hug.  Love.  Put Yourself Out There.

Read this on Donald Miller's blog today  - They Will Know Us By Our Love - and LOVED it!

They will know us by our love.

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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Asking for Grace

A Note To My Sweet Friends and Family,

 I know that when it comes down to it,
that there is no excuse.

A note of thanks that is late.
Your phone call that I have not returned. 
That lunch in which I just can't seem to find a date.

It's June but feels like August.
Waddling through my last pregnancy days,
it seems like I teeter somewhere between not being able to breathe
and feeling like I might bust.

A busy new job.
The end of a school year.
A summer that has yet to begin.

Living in our house that is being completely reorganized,
There are many days where I can't wait for the end.

To sleep is golden right now.
Often skipping the dishes,
forgoing laundry and household chores
just to catch a 20 minute nap.

I know everyone is busy.
I'm just one asking for some grace.

I miss you and love you very much
And no, I haven't disappeared into outer space.

That was my attempt at a little "poetry" - I'm so bad at poetry.  Really, Janel?  We couldn't tell.  :)

I guess thought the bad poetry would distract you from the fact that I just haven't been myself lately.   I really don't know how else to express my need for grace as I get through these last days of pregnancy.  My kids track out of school on Thursday and so our short summer begins.  And in those four short weeks of our tracked-out summer, I am due to have this baby.

My family, getting this house ready and my job are having to come first.  Taking care of those three things in addition to my own pregnant body is really about all I can handle.   If I don't respond the way I normally would, it's not you.  It's me and I apologize profusely if my hormones have gotten the best of me.   I know, I've not been the most pleasant person to be around some days.

Anyway,  I just had to say all that - love you all.

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Sunday, June 20, 2010

What Father's Day Means to Me

I don't actually have a relationship with my biological father.   When my parents divorced at 14,  I seldom saw him in the years that followed even though he lived only a few miles from me.   It was hurtful and as a young girl, I did not understand then what I understand now.  He simply did not know how to have a relationship with me.  

I have a huge story behind this relationship - or rather "non-relationship" with my dad.  I won't share all that right now.   I've forgiven him.  Actually, I forgive him often.  It's a process. 

But still, when Father's Day rolls around, I am forced to think about what the day means to me.  And aside from where I am now, for many years I carried a lot of pain and hurt around with me.  Unfortunately, I coped with in ways that were not healthy.  Even as a young mom and wife.    It's my story, though and it won't go unused - I can promise you that.

My pastor talked today about the fact that no matter what kind of dad you grew up with, he left a fingerprint on your life.  Good or bad.  I suppose my dad did leave a fingerprint that wasn't so great.  I didn't have a strong male influence in my  life as a teen girl and young woman and that was difficult when navigating the waters of dating and finding a mate.   I do have some fond memories of him as a child, though and that is probably why the pain of losing him later was so much greater. 

But God certainly blessed me with a partner for life that I feel certain will leave an amazing legacy for his children.  I get to see what a dedicated father looks like in him each day.   I married him and love him very much. 

Personally, though - as in my own relationship with a father - I have to share with you Father's Day means to me. While I celebrate my husband and all the dads I know, I also celebrate the love of the one I begin every prayer with.  Father God.   My Daddy.

I'm the apple of his eye, he delights in me and he loves like no other.   He will never ever abandon me.

Though Father's Day is a day of reflection for me, it's not painful anymore.  I celebrate the love of my creator and find joy in his strong arms that hold me through the ups and downs of life.  The one who protected me all the years that I tried to do so much to practically destroy my own life.

I think he must have wanted me to share that with you today.    How through realizing His great love for me, my own life was saved. 

So, Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads out there and to my own earthly father if for some crazy reason you are reading this but mostly to a God that guides me through the days of my life with love, mercy and so much grace. 

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Today I did something I didn't think I'd ever have to  do again. Register for baby gifts!  There's just this window in your life where you register for your wedding and babies and then you're finished.   I thought I was finished.  Never say never, eh? 

Anyway, some friends asked me to register somewhere so they would know what we need.  Strangely enough, I still have a lot of baby stuff seven though I was not planning for another child.   All of my baby stuff was in the back of my attic and we just hadn't cleaned that part out, yet. 

I found I needed a few things so it was actually pretty fun to go and register for those.    BUT the funnest (is that a word?) part of registering was doing with my older two kids!

I let them pick out some cute toys and outfits and they really enjoyed that.  They used the little register gun to scan the items.  They had so much fun and it's a joy to involve them in the planning of a new baby.  I do find having a baby with older kids to be pretty cool.  They listen to my belly, talk to him and really are so excited to have a new baby in the house.  

We also looked at paint colors for the baby's room.  Of course, now we have new paint colors picked out for EVERYONE'S room and a little competition of whose room will be painted second to the baby's.

Sibling rivalry is alive and well,  even with a baby on the horizon. 

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Same Always

Wow- I just can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted.  In my almost 3 years of blogging, I have never gone that long without a blog post!     (So, sorry BlogHer - thanks for the gentle reminder.)

I have to say that there has just been so much change in my life lately, I don't even know how to begin blogging about it.  And that is without the baby actually being born!  I can't imagine what it's going to be like in just a few short weeks.    I am guessing I'll have plenty of blog fodder with my new little bundle of joy around. 

The job has been the biggest change.   I admit that it's been bigger than what I thought it would be.  I'm loving it but it's definitely been crazy.    Adjusting to my new schedule, being in a very busy working environment and trying to keep my head from spinning with all the new things I'm learning do have me feeling overwhelmed some days.    On top of that, being pregnant, tired, hormonal and managing a family have honestly been some of the biggest personal challenges I've ever had to face.

With all the change in my life, it's comforting to know that one thing never changes.

It's a really simple part of our Christian faith - something that is hard to remember but incredibly comforting when everything else seems to spin out of control.

Jesus never changes.

The bible tells me so in Hebrews 13:8.  It's right there. 

God is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow. We can always count on it.

What else in this life can you count on like that? 

I gotta tell you - it's what gets me through the day, y'all.   

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