Sunday, June 20, 2010

What Father's Day Means to Me

I don't actually have a relationship with my biological father.   When my parents divorced at 14,  I seldom saw him in the years that followed even though he lived only a few miles from me.   It was hurtful and as a young girl, I did not understand then what I understand now.  He simply did not know how to have a relationship with me.  

I have a huge story behind this relationship - or rather "non-relationship" with my dad.  I won't share all that right now.   I've forgiven him.  Actually, I forgive him often.  It's a process. 

But still, when Father's Day rolls around, I am forced to think about what the day means to me.  And aside from where I am now, for many years I carried a lot of pain and hurt around with me.  Unfortunately, I coped with in ways that were not healthy.  Even as a young mom and wife.    It's my story, though and it won't go unused - I can promise you that.

My pastor talked today about the fact that no matter what kind of dad you grew up with, he left a fingerprint on your life.  Good or bad.  I suppose my dad did leave a fingerprint that wasn't so great.  I didn't have a strong male influence in my  life as a teen girl and young woman and that was difficult when navigating the waters of dating and finding a mate.   I do have some fond memories of him as a child, though and that is probably why the pain of losing him later was so much greater. 

But God certainly blessed me with a partner for life that I feel certain will leave an amazing legacy for his children.  I get to see what a dedicated father looks like in him each day.   I married him and love him very much. 

Personally, though - as in my own relationship with a father - I have to share with you Father's Day means to me. While I celebrate my husband and all the dads I know, I also celebrate the love of the one I begin every prayer with.  Father God.   My Daddy.

I'm the apple of his eye, he delights in me and he loves like no other.   He will never ever abandon me.

Though Father's Day is a day of reflection for me, it's not painful anymore.  I celebrate the love of my creator and find joy in his strong arms that hold me through the ups and downs of life.  The one who protected me all the years that I tried to do so much to practically destroy my own life.

I think he must have wanted me to share that with you today.    How through realizing His great love for me, my own life was saved. 

So, Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads out there and to my own earthly father if for some crazy reason you are reading this but mostly to a God that guides me through the days of my life with love, mercy and so much grace. 

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Sandy said...

What a beautiful Father's Day post! It amazes me how God loves us so unconditionally & abundantly even before we know Him! No matter how great an earthly father may be, he pales in comparison to our Heavenly Father. It is such a comfort to know that I can never fall from His love or grace.

Keith said...

You make me want to be a better father... today and everyday!

Love you,
Keith (your partner in this crazy thing we call life!)

Anita said...

I love this post. You are an amazing woman, and I know that all relationships with our parents or lack of mold our minds and who we are. You obviously had strong influences through family, friends and your faith that have made you who you are.
Thank you for sharing Janel.

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