Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Drama Mama

Things you might hear your 7 year old daughter say while she is having an all out tantrum.

1. You NEVER let me do what I want!
(Never? UmKay, just about all the time)

2. You ALWAYS say no to whatever I want!
(I rarely say no. I read this on a poster one time to say yes as often as possible.)

3. You are SO MEAN!
(I must be doing something right!)

4. You don't even care about me!
(yeah, right)

5. You NEVER listen to me!
(she talks more than I do, which is a lot)

6. It's my door, I can slam it if I want to.
(Actually, it's not your door and no you cannot slam it)

7. You make me so FRUSTRATED!
(I can understand that)

(That too)

9. You must be so happy that you made me so sad.
(Yeah, it is my life goal to make small children sad)

10. You treat me like your personal slave.
(Why do you think I had kids?)

11. I hate you.
(Ouch, that hurts, but I hated my mom sometimes, too)

Needless to say, we are working on what things you want to say OUT LOUD when you are angry and what things you might want to scream in your pillow so you don't regret them later.

Also, what things you might want to write out and give to your mom when you are angry with her (which is not much) and what things you might want to write out and tear up before your mom sees what you wrote (which is almost everything).

I understand my daughter's bursts of anger. Shamefully I admit, she most likely learned them from me. Together we work on how to best channel our anger. How we can control it in a healthy way, express it in a healthy way and make amends when we need to.

She is very remorseful after she has a fit. Yeah, I get that. But she also seems to have let the world off her shoulders. I get that, too.

She is such a good girl, but I do believe that trying to keep her behavior in tip top shape all day at school is hard work. It is absolutely distressing to her to lose good behavior dots at school.

I have heard that when kids come home they act on their worst behavior because they have been working so hard on their good behavior all day and they are comfortable letting go at home.

I want her to feel comfortable. I want her to be able to let go and show her grace when she has said or done something that is wrong. It's usually after a tantrum like this, I get to hold her very close for awhile as she spills out the details of her day.

However, I am not a big fan of the word HATE and that is the expression of her anger that frustrates me the most. We don't even use the word HATE when we dislike a certain food. So, I really feel like she is using it to show me just how upset she is with me. Something she knows will really get my attention.

As she gets older, I see her try to control her behavior more. I see her try to reign in her emotions most of the time and I just want that to be in a healthy way. I want her to get them out and see that relief she experiences when she does let it all out. But I also don't want her to feel like she can just say whatever comes to her mind in anger.

So yeah, that's where we are right now. Drama Drama Drama.
I'd love to hear from you Drama Mamas. Tell me what you do with your little Drama Queens.


Queen B said...

We are just beginning this stage I think. Frustration seems to be occurring more often, as do fits of a completely irrational temper.

I will be reading your comments to see what the others say!

Anonymous said...

If the door slamming continues, take the door off. It only takes once (usually) and they realize you mean business. At least my kids did.

Sarah said...

Wow, my daughter is only 5 and she already says most of those things. What will be next? :-)
Her favorite right now is "You're mean!" Which is when I explain to her that MEAN parents let their children do whatever they want.....I am sure she is thinking "yeah right!" like I always did. :-)

Good luck. Sounds like you are already teaching her the right ways to deal with her anger. It is just up to us to model it (which is the absolute hardest part of this parenting thing.......!)

Monkey's Momma said...

Well, rest assured that not all Drama Mamas are girls. I have a 5 year old boy who is a Drama Queen at times, too. How about selective hearing? As in, when you ask a question or tell them to do something, you get this response, "What?" repeatedly. It is maddening! We have been through the "You're Mean!" phase already. Good Luck ;)

Rebecca a.k.a. Mum said...

Urgh I am right there with you girl, I have an 11.5 y/o drama king and a nearly 4 y/o daughter who is a drama queen.

Jarod (11.5) gives me all that stuff too..."I have to do everything around here, it's not fair"....."I never get to do anything"....."Ahhhh WHY do I have to go to bed now...I never get to watch anything on TV" (this said at 11pm)....and of course the eternal door slamming and storming away - the joys of parenthood right!

And Sofia, at the ripe of age of nearly 4 (in Oct) she is a hellion with her tantrums.

She will scream and jump up and down and carry on like you have never seen, it is horrifying sometimes!

Like your dd, unfortunately all 4 of my kids have got mummas foul temper..and boy when they blow they blow! lol

I think is sounds like you are handling your daughters outbursts nicely, explaining to her and holding her afterwoods is the best way to show them you love them no matter what they say.

Just think, only 11 more years till she is 18...hehe

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