Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Sound That Stopped My World

I was not particularly excited for the doctor visit I was about to go on.    I just hadn't quite wrapped my head around this newest situation.

The last time I visited this office, it was to talk about a permanent solution to not having any more children.  I had determined that after the holidays, it was the direction I would go.   My youngest is 5, I'm almost 40 - I resolved that 2 children was apparently our plan. 

Then came some squeamish events that involved eggs and chicken.  I knew something was amiss.

One, Two, Three tests confirmed.  I was pregnant indeed.


The thoughts that swirled around in my head are too many to write here.

Just a few...

  • With two miscarriages,you just don't dare get excited.
  • This baby is due around my 40th birthday.  I'm just too old to have another baby.
  • We don't have enough room in our house.
  • I'm just not equipped to be a mother to 3 kids.

I will tell you, and maybe it will turn you away from reading my blog forever, but I will tell you that excitement was nowhere in my vocabulary for what was happening to me.   I prayed for faith.  I prayed for trust.  I prayed for no morning sickness.

Well, the morning sickness came in full force and that told me that this pregnancy was not like my last.    Which leads me back to this visit with my OB.  I knew he would be doing an ultrasound.  The last one I had when I was 8 weeks pregnant, showed a baby with no heartbeat.  That was almost 2 years ago.

The absence of a heartbeat?  The silence is deafening. 

So, it was with great hesitation and much anxiety that I headed into this appointment.

As my doctor and I talked about Christmas preparations and things like the weather, he began my ultrasound.

And then.

A sound like no other.

A steady, strong heartbeat.

A healthy baby #3 for me.

I saw the little heart flutter.    He (or she)  measured just exactly where he (or she) should.

Then just like that faith, hope and trust flooded my heart.  I didn't know how we would fit in our house or what kind of mom I would be to three kids.    I just know that the sound of a little beating heart stopped my world right then and it really didn't matter.

*****
I wrote that post the day I got my first ultrasound around 8 weeks.  Yesterday, I went for another ultrasound that would leave me feeling confident enough to tell the world that we are going to have another baby, or at least the part of the world that reads this blog.   I am almost 12 weeks along and this baby is due ON my 40th birthday.  ON my 40th birthday.   Crazy, I tell you.

The ultrasound revealed a very healthy baby and the doctor is super-confident we are past a first trimester miscarriage which is good news.   I have to say that it was not until yesterday that I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and feel the first bit of excitement.   I still do not know how I am going to mother 3 kids but I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we get there!

We told the kids.  They are beyond excited, kissing my belly and already planning out our entire family future.  My oldest is excited that she will be moving her bedroom to what is now our bonus room (we have two bonus rooms thank goodness) and my son is excited that he can teach this baby to swim.  I have no idea where that came from. 

So, there you go - that will probably be the biggest news you ever hear on this blog!  

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32 comments:

The Fritz Facts said...

Oh congrats!

I understand the fears, they are so common and I know I will feel them even though ours will be planned. I am so glad you are past that point of fear.

Anita said...

Huge congratulations!!! I am so very happy for you, and wishing you a very healthy pregnancy and baby.
I love babies and since I'm now 50, and waiting at least 10 years for grand babies, I live vicariously through as many friends babies as I can!!
Many blessings to you and your family!

Manic Mother said...

Oh my goodness! Congratulations! It was meant to be, and now I am sure you can officially feel like your done!

Stefani said...

Congratulations Janel! I am suddenly reminded of a quote that you shared in MOPS. "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." I know that you will be an awesome mother of three! I just know that this baby will bless you more than you can imagine. :)

Janel@Dandelion Dayz said...

That quote is the story of my life, Stef. He equips me all the time. I don't know how I would live life without Him!

Kellie said...

AAHHHHHH!!!!! (That was my attempt at a joyful, happy squeal in written word)!!)

So very excited for you an your family!

linzilu2001 said...

Congrats Janel!!! Having three kids is so much fun. You will be busy that is for sure but I would not trade it for anything.

Tanya (In the Dailies) said...

How very exciting!!!!! I know how you feel about the trepidation and uncertainty of an unplanned pregnancy. I was the same way with both of mine -- the first after years of being told we couldn't; the second almost immediately after the first while we were trying NOT to. :) God is sovereign and He is powerful. Best of all: He treasures us with an indescribably, unfathomable, unconditional love. Congratulations!

Carpool Queen said...

I am smiling and laughing and giggling and excited with you - What a trip.

Such The Spot said...

That is great news Janel. Totally, completely, rejoicable fantastic news. Congratulations!

The Chubby Dove said...

Woo hoo! Glad the appointment went well and you got to hear the heartbeat!

Wow, that'll be some 40th birthday parteh! I'm so happy for you and your little family!

Hugs!

Kim said...

Congratulations Janel! You are going to do great as a mother of 3.
I can totally relate to your fears and hesitation. When I found out I was expecting #4 I was anything but excited. I found out 1 week before my husband was leaving for a 1 year deployment to Iraq and my #3 child was only 3 months old. It was a scary time for us. But God got us through it and we wouldn't change a thing now.
God will get you through this - he has a plan and soon will know what that plan is.
God bless!

jen@odbt said...

Congratulations! What exciting news to share. Three definitely changed us for the better. You are ready, your family is ready. I love Stefani's quote. It fits you.

Amy said...

So excited for you!!! Congratulations!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Congratulations! I am sure you will be a wonderful mother of 3!

GladMom24 said...

CONGRATS!!! you'll be an awesome mom of 3 :)

Kim said...

Let me say it again, YEAH! :)
Janel, you will do great. Too late now, anyway :) God will be there holding your hand and guiding you. 3 is not so bad (kind of fun, some days) and B will be a great big sis and L will love one his new sibling! Until they realize this kid's not going away. That's when the fun really begins!
Congrats to you and hubby!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Awww, this is my first time visiting your blog, and this post made me cry my eyes out!!! Obviously, with this baby due on your birthday-- and a milestone birthday, at that-- God has big plans for you and your child!

I remember the first time I heard a healthy heartbeat inside of my womb... a purely magical moment. Thank you for giving me cause to remember it!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Gretchen said...

I'm here via Kellie's tweet re: good news. Many blessings to you & your family. All the news I'm hearing of new babies born or on the way, lately, has cheered my soul.

Kathy L. said...

Yeah! That is so exciting! Congrats to you and the rest of the family. I am sure you will be great! Look how much practice you have already had!

Sandy M. said...

Janel,
I was holding my breath reading the first part of this... then almost giggly when I read the end. Congratulations! G. is sitting across the room & I got to share the good news w/her. You WILL be a great mom to 3 & what a blessing this little one will be! I'm so excited for all of you.

Kim said...

Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!

The Lord Family said...

Oh that is SO AWESOME!!!!! What a great birthday present! And three is so much fun...so much that we had one more!
:) :):):):):)
Yay! Yay!Yay!!!

sheila Gramling said...

Oh Janel, congratulations. That is so very very exciting. There is nothing in this world like a baby!

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

Congratulations! I know the fears after a miscarriage and pray that since you've hit the 12 week mark that it will become an exciting journey!

KR said...

WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! I am so excited for you! Thank the Lord. I'm so glad He's given you the joy & reassurance you need. You'll be a wonderful mom to 3! Oh my.....so happy for you. Do keep us posted!!

New Every Morning said...

My mom told me about your news while we were in the mountians ... and we oohed and awwwed together.

So happy for you! The Lord is full of surprises, isn't he?!

HeatherV said...

Congrats. Life w/ 3 is crazy and wonderful. Enjoy the 2nd and 3rd trimester! Are you going to do Bradley this time around?

Allison said...

Oh, Janel! I am just getting caught up on your blog! Congratulations. That is fantastic news.

Char said...

Congratulations! That is wonderful. I hope the morning sickness eases up very soon!

Joy for the Seasons said...

Hi, I followed you over here from Seasoned Sister's blog. Congratulations! We have found ourselves in an interesting season of life ourselves, although you win with your pregnancy! Glad it is going well.

Queen B said...

Congratulations!!!!!! I'm so excited for you! Hope you feel better soon :)

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