Light to My Darkness

I'm not really sure what it is about January. Or February. Or just Winter.

I really just don't like the Winter. It is one of the main reasons we moved to North Carolina - mild winters.

I am cold. And cranky. And very temperamental. And sometimes depressed. And did I mention cold!?!

Last week, I felt depressed after returning from our trip. Well, to be really honest even while I was on the trip. Yeah, most of it was hormonal and I get that, but it seemed worse than normal for some reason.

I do not like being depressed. As a matter of fact, I often fight it and deny it. The mere fact that it affects me drives me crazy. It is completely uncontrollable, though.

You see, I don't deal with depression like many others. I don't cry. I don't get sad.

I just get mad. All the time mad. At the silliest things. At my hubby. At my kids. My poor little family - they are ever so patient with me.

I retreat from my friends so I don't get mad at them. And to be honest - again, I actually get irritated at them for only God knows what. So, At the risk of losing them - I try not to call them or see them when I get like this.

But they are good friends and they keep calling me.

So when a friend called the other day to see if I was doing okay and asked me if I was mad at her, I gave her my honest response. "Of course, I am not mad at you! What could I possibly be mad at you about?"

Then she told me she missed me - That I was one of the few friends she could just lay her heart open to without fear of judgement. Dang. That's just awesome, isn't it?

So, just like a key to my heart, I opened up and I told her how I had been feeling.

I didn't think she would understand because she really doesn't get depressed. She is one of the most emotionally level women I know. Kinda like a guy is emotionally level.

Then I went to our couples small group and asked those friends to pray for me.

And they did. And they loved on me.

One of them even made some suggestions that have been so very helpful this week.

Something about giving up control. Whatever.

Hmmph. Like I want to control anything.

I want to control EVERYTHING!

So, anyway - last week? Sadness crept in. Like a slinky sneaky black snake - it moved right into my soul. It was dark and angry and I did not like it.

But God sent some angels. They are called friends. Lifelines. Light chasing the dark right out of my soul.